remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
