he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
