Only a mothe r could love this liver
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
