forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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