the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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