Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she smelled like a LAN party
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
