How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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