WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
