I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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