yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
