It's Friday. Sex?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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