Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
