Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize