i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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