Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Im part way to drunk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
