We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got inside last night via doggy door
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh god it's open bar.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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