end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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