Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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