i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
