It's Friday. Sex?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
