Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
