Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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