Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
