just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
