The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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