It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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