I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
