I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
