We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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