i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
