i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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