oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
