I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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