Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
And then he peed in my hair
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