I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
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