He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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