She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
