That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
