I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
