Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
