How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
