Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
