mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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