Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
youre lurking in front of me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
