Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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