I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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