So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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