Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
