I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I will die if light touches me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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