you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
