I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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