Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
