I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
