if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
