Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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