I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just puked most of my soul out..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
