i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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