new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
