the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
