Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
