That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
