My cat gives me a boner
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Randomize
