We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
