It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
