He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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