I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
