That's when you crack a 10am beer
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize