i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
